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2052 Presidential Election
This is a satirical description of what the 2052 election and presidency would look like. Most of the people mentioned are not currently elected politicians. Background Senator Cory Booker (D-NJ) was elected in 2044, after Michelle Obama was impeached. He was a closeted socialist, eventually causing a major economic crash. The young politicians, especially the young Republicans (who worked to reunite the party and succeeded) were outraged and agreed that they needed a strong candidate to go against Booker's policies. Booker added fifty-trillion dollars to the national debt (equivalent to thirty-trillion in 2016). Also, he was the last male Democratic President, as he made a law that males can not run in Democratic Primaries. Women were on their way to becoming a protected class, as promised by many Democratic candidates. There were some younger Republican politicians in particular who had an edge. Hunter Avallone, who started out as an internet personality and became Senate Majority Leader in 2050, was known for hardline positions. CJ Pearson, who also began as an internet personality, was 50 at the time of the election. He had been the overwhelmingly conservative Governor of Georgia. Since he started out in politics at the age of twelve, many believed that he was very experienced. Taylor Marie Craig, a more Libertarian Republican, began her career as a teenager by organizing local events around the Boston Area. She was the senator of New Hampshire, starting at the age of thirty-five. She is the first high profile politician to identify as asexual. Candidates Since the incumbent president, Cory Booker, can not run after a second term, both the Republican and Democratic parties had primaries and a nominating process. Governor CJ Pearson (R-GA), after running unopposed, won the Republican Primaries by default. Senator Taylor Craig (R-NH) was chosen as the Vice Presidential Nominee. Lena Dunham beat out Malia Obama, Laci Green and Ana Kasparian (as men are no longer allowed to run for the Democratic National Ticket). Dunham chose Green as her running mate. Independent candidate, Kanye West (now 75 years old) picked Silento as his running mate. Primaries The Republicans had no primaries, due to the fact that CJ Pearson had no opposition. Kanye West, due to being independent, also participated in no primaries prior to his death the July before election season. The Democrats had Lena Dunham (D-NY), Laci Green (D-CA), Malia Obama (D-HI), and Ana Kasparian (D-CA). The DNC, which happened to be ran by Sasha Obama, heavily favored Malia Obama in the primaries. Guateduras, a country opposed to Booker, hacked into the DNC and released data supporting this. The Obama sisters fled to Dubai to live with their elderly parents. Ana Kasparian, seemingly the underdog, attempted to change the voting results and was thrown out soon after. The competition was left to Green and Dunham, who decided to team up in the name of women's empowerment. Green and Craig (whom were already rivals) became extremely bitter towards each other as vice presidential competitors. Ana Kasparian Fraud Scandal Ana Kasparian, a Democratic Primary Candidate, was accused of hacking into the primary results. She was ousted from the contender list after months of arguing. However, some supported Kasparian as most knew how the system was in favor of Malia Obama (who ended up dropping out and moving to Dubai). Craig Family Controversy (Attn. General Trent Craig) Trent Craig (R-NH) made history as the youngest New Hampshire Attorney General at the age of twenty-three. He is the eldest son of Taylor Craig and was heavily involved in the Pearson Campaign. Attorney General Craig is pro-life, and happens to take a very hard stance on the issue. After working with his Senator mother and the Governor, abortions were banned in New Hampshire (besides abortions performed due to medical reasons). Trent Craig is highly credited with the ban, and happens to be ranked as the least popular politician with feminists. Along with the abortion bill, Trent Craig has been responsible for the arresting of "Free The Nipple" organizers, calling out false rape accusers, and being a leader of the Men's Rights Movement. Lena Dunham already secured the female vote, and this did not affect either campaign. Hunter Avallone, a large critic of feminism, also caused controversy as he worked with Pearson and Craig. In the past, as all three came to fame at a very young age, Avallone especially attacked Laci Green in his late teens. Between Trent Craig, Hunter Avallone, and the Democratic nominee swearing to declare women a protected class, many thought the vote would go to Green. This mother-son political tag team is the inspiration for the "Craig Abortion Complex" (also known as the Uterus Rampage), an argument used by pro-choice leftists in the 2050s and 2060s to gain support for abortion. "If we make abortion illegal, we will have more wars." (this is the general basis of the arguments supporting the existence of the Craig Abortion Complex). Debates/Town Halls Lena Dunham refused to debate CJ Pearson and often accused him of mansplaining. Therefore, the only debate that actually happened was the vice-presidential debate between Laci Green and Taylor Craig. Green almost skipped the debate due to the fact that Craig stands at four-foot-ten and requires a step-stool. Lena Dunham Pedophilia Case Controversies surrounded Dunham over accusations of pedophilia and incest, thus, handing the female vote over to Pearson and Craig (despite the Craig family having a reputation as "misogynist"). Dunham had written in a memoir about experimenting sexually with her younger sister. This helped Pearson massively in the primaries. CJ Pearson was elected president by a landslide, due to Dunham's downfall and the passing of Kanye West. Electoral Map (Pearson: Blue; Dunham: Red; West: Green) CJ Pearson won the election by a landslide victory, as displayed by the map. Dunham only won a total of four states, most likely due to her scandals and the failure of Democratic president Cory Booker. Other Positions Of Power Hunter Avallone (R-MD) was chosen as Secretary of State and Nikki Haley (R-SC) as defense secretary. After the passing of Supreme Court Justice Sarah Palin (only two months after Pearson getting sworn in), Tim Scott was nominated as a Supreme Court Justice. The Aftermath (Southern Border War, Craig Family Abortion Policies) The U.S. economy flourished under Pearson, as flat tax policies and free trade were especially efficient. However, there were many critics of Taylor Craig's pushes against abortion. She eventually (with the help of her sons, as well as 17-year-old daughter Parker) suggests the idea of almost completely outlawing abortion, which the largely Republican Congress adored. The raging left departed the country at massive rates, heading to a dying (but hardline socialist, as the new left was) Mexico. Pearson declared war on Mexico, with permission of Congress. Texas, which was in the process of succession from the U.S. after the failed regime of Cory Booker. Mexico vowed to take Texas for themselves. After three years of war, Mexico surrendered, as they no longer had a president (as their government had finally collapsed). Some Mexico eventually became part of the U.S. State of Texas, which decided to stay in the union. Secretary Avallone was largely responsible for this, helping negotiations between Texas' government and the Pearson administration. Avallone agreed to give some of the lost territory to the Democratic Republic of Guateduras (formerly Guatemala and the Honduras). Supreme Court & Laci Green Scandal After almost 4 years, another Supreme Court Justice (Tom Cotton) had passed on. After a long nominating process (as Laci Green tried to force herself into the position), Ted Cruz became the oldest Supreme Court Justice in his mid-eighties. Trent Craig was examining this position, but was three years under the age limit (at age 27). Pearson and Craig Approval Ratings By the end of Pearson's first term, America was in a good place. CJ Pearson kept a 70% approval rating, while Taylor Craig's was a lower 56%. Laci Green, who attempted to assassinate Pearson after losing the Supreme Court spot, was deported (therefore ineligible to run again in the Democratic Primaries). Dunham died from a car accident in 2054, so she could not seek the presidency either. Category:US Elections 2052